Verbal Self Defense Tactics

Verbal Self-Defense Training
Gives You the Ability to Handle Conflict!

During the process of Verbal Self Defense Training students will learn how to focus their attention and utilize both verbal and non-verbal communication to appropriately handle confrontation with difficult people in stressful situations. The facilitation of this seminar will include both the cognitive instruction of Verbal Self-Defense and step-by-step examples. Participants will develop greater flexibility in dealing with a larger range of situations more effectively.

The Verbal Self Defense Model is a simple standardized tool which can help a person deal with people by incorporating greater self-control while using their own choice of words and communication style. The base model is designed to be easily applied to any mental or emotional attack in any area of life. As well, the model has built in accountability, allowing the user to clearly identify the steps which they used to be proper and professional, avoiding any possible liability.

At home, at work or even on the street, this model can help anyone be better prepared to deal with confrontations with family members, friends, customers, colleagues or people in general. Verbal Self Defense is designed to give a person an efficient and effective set of simple steps to help maintain their own psychological safety.

Mental & Emotional Abuse End Here.

Students of Verbal Self Defense learn:

• to identify verbal aggression and when to use Verbal Self-Defense
• better self awareness and control in dealing with conflict
• more effective ways of communicating to avoid escalating the situation
• a simple six step process to verbally defend themselves against aggressive communication

The term Hard Limit refers to the absolute limit of one’s personal boundaries which they simply will not cross under any circumstances. Verbal Self Defense has its own kind of hard limit to which it simply will not work — that limit is attempting to use it against hidden or anonymous attackers.

In the modern age one of the greatest benefits of the internet is anonymity; however, it is also one of the internet’s greatest short-comings. In a time where big business and government must be held accountable, a degree of anonymity allows whistle-blowers to inform the public of inappropriate decisions on the part of the people in charge of our country and our economy. This same anonymity also offers people who have more sinister intentions a greater amount of freedom to harass, bully and discredit people without the risk of any consequences for their actions.

This exact scenario has recently happened to several people I know (including myself) and there is absolutely no recourse on the part of the victim(s). It would seem that, as an expert in the art of Verbal Self Defense, I should have some kind of means for dealing with something as simple as attacks to one’s character, but the problem is the lack of an opponent towards which I can fight back. Anyone who has access to a local internet coffee shop can create a fake (and untraceable) email or social network account under a false identity, and then they can use those accounts to begin spreading malicious libel on website forums, personal blogs and social networking sites. In real life a person who slanders your good name can be held accountable in a court of law for any damages they may cause you, but on the internet anonymity means there is no accountability at all. Huge companies such as Microsoft/Hotmail, Google, and Yahoo are able to protect these cyber-bullies from prosecution by helping them to hide their identity … and simply because no one has the wealth necessary to fight such large corporations there is no recourse for the average person even if they attempt to use techniques of verbal self defense.

You see, the main concept behind any effective strategy for verbal self defense relies on the persuasive power behind the potential consequences for the bully if they do NOT change their abusive behaviors. For this reason, verbal self defense has no power against anonymous internet attackers because there is no chance for any type of consequence to the things these cyber-terrorists say (online or in private messages), insinuate, or even directions they give for people to attack a person or their family.

This is currently a growing trend behind cyber-bullying and one of the major causes behind ever increasing statistics on bullycide (bullying induced suicide). However, until large internet businesses such as Microsoft, Google, Facebook, Yahoo, and others are made to be held accountable for their choice to protect the identity of cyber-terrorists you can expect to see this problem continuing to become worse and worse. At this point in time the only way targets of internet bullying will ever be able to make the changes necessary to stop these kinds of personal attacks is if we band together as a group and start more class-action lawsuits against the industry leaders who are allowing the victimization of innocent people by mean-hearted individuals using their internet servers and websites.

It seems that workplace bullying has become more and more common place in the past decade. However, that’s not because it’s happening more — it’s often the exact same behaviors that have been around for generations — the difference is that people have become more “sensitive.”

There are certain contexts that will have behaviors which, in a completely different setting, would be considered inappropriate or in some cases even illegal, but in those places/situations are thought to be normal. A good example is bars and pubs — anywhere else people wouldn’t allow the rampant amount of sexual harassment that is common place in the liquor industry. In an office environment using vulgar language will usually end in some kind of reprimand from your supervisor, but in a bar it’s totally acceptable.

In the same way, just like behaviors are identified as acceptable or unacceptable by the context, bullying behaviors are not always true forms of bullying. Any bullying type of behavior that does not leave a person feeling bad are actually not a form of workplace bullying. One common example of this is certain types of playful humor — practical jokes which are found to be funny by everyone involved can easily become a form of workplace bullying if even one person considers the experience hurtful.

Have you ever experienced a situation where you did something or said something that, although you thought it would be funny, the other person didn’t understand or misunderstood your intentions in a negative way? Maybe it was the context you were in or maybe it was the wrong time or just the wrong kind of person to share that particular type of humor.

The key however is to remember that it’s not the bully’s responsibility to assure the other person is unhurt by their words or actions — in fact, it only becomes bullying at the point when the target informs the person that what they’re doing is a problem. After that point it should include input from both sides to find a solution.

Just a quick announcement to let everyone know that our top dog is working on new content for the site as we write this!

He’s been supplied with some Jolt cola that we found in the back of the fridge from the 1990′s and a big bag of nachos (which we hope will get him through the weekend!) You can all expect a new verbal self defense article discussing what is and is not ‘Acceptable Bullying,’ as well as several new videos — including some informal info about our resident expert and author of the new book, Verbal Self Defense in The Workplace — all of which should be posted next week!

Boo-ya!

We’re in the process of updating the website and changes to the back-end PHP coding may make some pages appear all messed up … so please be patient as we get everything back in proper alignment. In the meantime, you could go have a cookie while you wait.

Thank you.

Every relationship goes through what is typically called the “Honeymoon Phase” – that time at the beginning when we become insufferable to those around us with all the cooing, the being velcro’d at the hips, feeding each other apple pie and the un-ending verbal gushing about how wonderful the other person is.

This is the part of the process where we are trying to get to know each other; during the courtship the goal/intention is to win affection. We are hell bent on convincing the other person that you deserve their affections. So much so that we will present to them the type of person we THINK is the type of person they want to be with, we present what we perceive to be our “best side,” which gives unending fodder to all the TV situation comedies out there.

One of the key elements of humans is pleasure and fun. In the process of creating a “playful” environment that will entice this new partner to stay with them, one thing people will do is use that sense of playfulness to define their boundaries. We will tease each other as a way of showing things that they value or devalue – so if a partner is doing something the other thinks is silly or stupid, they will tease gently, playfully with the covert intention of saying “I think that is stupid/silly.” Although it’s funny at the time, there is a serious underlining intention. Ever hear of the idiom “Comedy is a funny way of being serious”?

The reason we do it in a teasing way is because we ware still in the honeymoon stage. We have to do it in a way that still brings a sense of pleasure to the other person; we need to continue to prove we are the person they want to be with. As the relationship continues, it becomes a pattern and it continues back and forth as the two people do things to balance power, set boundaries etc.

There is, however, a tipping point where it becomes too much of a relied-upon communication style. While it WAS meant in good fun, as the relationship matures, it starts to create feeling of resentment and shame. When over half of the communication in the relationship becomes the teasing/belittling, the unconscious suffering will slowly build and that building of unconscious suffering transforms into abuse.

In early stages it was teasing and playfulness such as correcting the other person (words, way they dress, how they do something), playful violence, those types of things can lead to an emotionally and physically abusive relationship. It happens comment by comment until it escalates to where even outsiders can see it as abuse. Ever wonder why someone doesn’t leave an abusive relationship? This is why; it happens so slowly, building off of the honeymoon feel-good teasing that they never see it coming.

The concept is that you want to be aware and pay attention to the behaviors of those you are in a relationship with; be mindful of their intent and how they make you feel. Negative behaviors that appear to be done with a positive overt intention can actually be negative. When it stops being fun and playful and your reaction becomes filled with feelings of shame and resentment, then you have moved into the territory of abuse.

This is when you get help and/or start using your Verbal Self Defense. It’s up to you to stop the cycle.