Basic concepts of behavioral studies recognize that every behavior has a higher positive intention behind it. What this means is that anything a person says or does has an unconscious expectation which the person assumes will be achieved by that behavior. The problem with this is that, although the unconscious intention is always positive, the actual behavior may not be.
The reason for this is that people are limited to only having the choice available to them which they are unconsciously aware of in that time and place. That list of options is restricted by many different factors, including (but not limited to);
- The current situation or event;
- Their physical health and wellness (are they well rested, etc.);
- What the relationship is to all parties involved;
- Past personal experiences;
- The person’s deep personal values and beliefs about the world;
One of the most powerful influences of a person’s unconscious decision making process can be personal stress (or, in some cases, distress). Highly emotional circumstances involving feelings of fear, anger, shame, or guilt can negatively impact one’s ability to rationally determine the most appropriate choice of action. People and organizations that deal with our base need of safety and survival will usually have the most contact with individuals affected in this way — especially police, firefighters, EMT, doctors, nurses, etc.
When someone’s logical mind is limited by overwhelming negative emotion they can behave in unexpected ways that may seem very out of character for them. The reason is because they’re personal experiences in life have not given them the skills needed to deal with what is happening in an appropriate way. Those feelings of helplessness can instigate abusive reactions in these people, causing them to act mentally, emotionally and/or physically abusive towards the people around them — including their care givers.
One way to help a normally rational person who is in emotional distress is to constantly redirect their focus back toward the highest positive intention of their abusive words and actions. The simple act of asking what their purpose is for specific words, tone of voice, gestures, facial expression, body posture, etc. (any behavior determined to be abusive) that they are doing can help them reconnect with that logical part of their unconscious mind. Questions such as:
- What is it you hope to accomplish by… [insert description of their abusive behavior here]?
- Do you really believe that, by doing that behavior, it will help achieve your desired outcome?
From there it is then useful to help them by connected the behavior you need from that person (i.e. taking a breath and relaxing a bit, etc.) to their desired intent. A simple example of this could be stated as, “I can help you [insert their purpose for the abusive behavior] if you’ll simply [insert the behavior you need from them here].” The result is that, by guiding the person’s awareness toward their deeper intention and help them become conscious of how their current behavior is hindering them in achieving that outcome, it can then allow them to be more open to changing that behavior.
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